It's Wednesday right?

So, I'm pulling the wordless Wednesday card finally. Because frankly I don't have any funny stories today, or yesterday, or last week! Can you say blogger burnout?

Breech of Contract

My sixteen month old has decided that other than the necessary transport she does not want any of the following:

Hugs
Kisses
cuddling
rocking
hand holding
touching of any sort unless it involves food handling

Basically no physical contact, and especially that which causes restraint or confinement.
*Diaper changing and finger nail clipping are considered assault

I have looked it up in the rule handbook provided by the hospital, and she in clear violation of breech of cuddling contract...or something like that....which you think should be good for two years, right? Oh well, guess it's time for #3!

Everything looks better after a margarita.

One Thursday afternoon my Husband and I painted a very blue wall.

Which might have looked OK, but not with three brown walls.

One Friday afternoon and two margaritas later we fixed the wall.


And the bedroom lived happily ever after.

The end.

The Muffin Top

Pregnancy and childbirth with my first child left my body completely unscathed. This should have been a sign from the plastic surgery gods to stop while I was ahead. My second ruined me from head to toe! My complexion, breasts, abs( or lack there of), legs, and even feet!

In the last week of my pregnancy she dropped, and I could literally see the stretch marks appear in the course of a day! And that wasn't the worst part, lets just say I couldn't sit down. "OK little stinker, let's just see if you get that car on your sweet 16 now!"

She went a week over due, so we scheduled an induction for the following Monday morning at 8am....at 6am she decided to give herself up.

Long after her birth the hyper pigmentation, sagging sippy cups, hemorrhoids, stretch marks, varicose veins, and half size bigger feet remained.

But Something extraordinary was brought to my attention last week as I was getting dressed....I have a whole new body part!

Scuba girls?

#267 from the list of strange toddler behaviors: the goggle obsession.

One down, a closet full to go

You could say I have a problem getting rid of clothes I haven't worn in " at least a year", or five years. Some might refer to me as a pack rat (love you Hubby) which I don't agree with! You never know when you'll need a very matronly, and not so figure flattering black sweater. So I put my old INC sweater, circa 1999 in the wash in hopes that if I washed the "hasn't been worn in five years smell out" I would love it once again.

I decided to try it on and ask the opinion of my little fashionista.

Me: "Sweetie, is this cute?"

The child: "No!"

Me: Laughing to hard to respond.

The child: "No, no it's not right."

Me: About to pee myself

The child: "Here, let me get you a new shirt."

Out of the closet she comes with anything, and everything that she could find on the closet floor that was pink.

The child: " Here is a new, new, new orange shirt, and sparkly pink pants.

Me: " This is what you want Mommy to wear? Together?"

The child: "Yes, beautiful Princess Mommy."

And with that I put on the orange tank with my Victoria Secret sweats, and tossed the once beloved sweater into the donation bag.

A Recession proof Father's Day

Dear Dada,

This Father's Day since we can't afford that Audi you have coveted from a far,

or the home theater system to complete your

mancave

or the two toned Rolex that you've wanted even before we met

I thought maybe you'd be interested in one of the affordable, but just as enticing gifts we've picked out.



Sex Panther, I mean Old spice

Your very own manscaper



* notice the adjustable arm for hard to reach areas
(I think I just threw up a little in my mouth)




And why wouldn't you want a product that holds 12 times it's weight in liquid? You'll be saying "wow" every time.






Love your girls.