Toddler Tirade

Mamarazzi

2009-09-29T15:03:00.000-07:00

Our little one has decided she does not to pose for the camera any longer, as soon as she sees it she runs! This as you can probably imagine has made documenting her childhood a little difficult. Could you give us a smile Moo moo?

Look over here Moo moo!

Awe...come on just one picture Moo moo!

Could you tell us who your wearing Moo moo?

Show us that new tooth Moo moo!

No pictures please!!!

Another one for the cake graveyard

2009-09-03T19:11:00.000-07:00

#399 from the list of strange toddler behavior: Cake abandonment once all the frosting has been licked off.

A morning all to myself....well kind of

2009-08-28T20:12:00.000-07:00

Monday my Husband was kind enough to take the girls to the gym with him, and the girls were kind enough to go. So a carefree morning of shopping awaited...kind of.

On the way to my first store, Hobby Lobby(by the way the BEST home decor/ knickknack place in the world) I only checked the back seat....hmm fifty times. And I almost made it into the store without going back to the car to make sure I didn't somehow manage to imagine the whole "children free morning scenario" and leaving them in the car.

I know what everyone is thinking, cuckoo( yay I know) and you need to get out more without the children. Working on it.

After I stopped checking for children, and checking my cell phone I realized this is very necessary! The best part was being greeted at the door with their little tails wagging!

Naptime

2009-08-17T14:49:00.000-07:00

The three year old going on sixteen is getting very sassy these days! An all too common phrase she uses is " leave me alone!" Usually accompanied by "no" and "I'm going to my room!"

So yesterday I left her alone, and let her go to her room as she requested. When she didn't come back downstairs for awhile I got suspicious, and went to check...this is what I found...

...apparently Miss sassy got sleepy while pretending to be a ladybug preparing a meal? None the less I did not look a gift nap in the mouth, and enjoyed my two hours of freedom!

Shoe Fetish?

2009-08-07T18:27:00.000-07:00

#423 from the List of strange toddler behavior: The desire to walk in adult shoes.

You might be as old as me

2009-08-03T17:09:00.000-07:00

You might be as old as me if....

The walls in your room were covered from floor to ceiling in Duran Duran posters.

You contemplated wearing a safety pin as an earring.

The barbie dream house was the best Christmas present you've received to date.

You played Pac man, Donkey Kong, and Pit Fall until you lost feeling in your hands.

Saturday mornings meant cartoons.

You saw E.T. in the theater, the first time.

Madonna's performance of "Like a virgin" on MTV's music awards left your parents speechless.

Everyone wanted to live in the "Valley" and say things like "totally tubular" and "bitchin".

The movie "Purple Rain" was a phenomenon.

Dressing up as Prince for Halloween was totally tubular.

You chose what cereal to buy based on the free toy inside.

You almost had yourself convinced you could moonwalk.

And last but not least....

Michael Jackson was cool.

Showdown at Chick fil A

2009-07-27T14:49:00.000-07:00

It was the best of times at the Chick fil a play area, it was the worst of times at the Chick fil a play area.

The events you are about read actually took place, names have been changed to protect the guilty.

11:45 "Poopy head" and I walk into one Chick fil a restaurant for an enjoyable lunch with friends.

11:50 "lucky to still be growing" notices a play scape, and rushes off to play.

11:51- 11: 57 Mommy and her adult friend exchange calm, rational conversation.

12:00 Food arrives and Mommy tries to retrieve "cranky pants".

12: 05 "Booger face" throws herself to the ground claiming she doesn't want to eat!

12:10-12:25 Children eating, and jovial, sane adult conversation is allowed to continue.

12:26 Children return to the beloved play scape.

1:00 Mommy tries to explain to " The girl that was supposed to go to Disneyland in December, but might not be now" that it's time to leave.

We did eventually leave Chick fil a after many "full body on the ground tantrums", crying, screaming, hitting, many looks of shock, even more looks of pity. I know with time, and maybe some Prozac we will leave the house again one day.

It's Wednesday right?

2009-07-22T14:41:00.000-07:00

So, I'm pulling the wordless Wednesday card finally. Because frankly I don't have any funny stories today, or yesterday, or last week! Can you say blogger burnout?

Breech of Contract

2009-07-14T14:50:00.000-07:00

My sixteen month old has decided that other than the necessary transport she does not want any of the following:

Hugs
Kisses
cuddling
rocking
hand holding
touching of any sort unless it involves food handling

Basically no physical contact, and especially that which causes restraint or confinement.
*Diaper changing and finger nail clipping are considered assault

I have looked it up in the rule handbook provided by the hospital, and she in clear violation of breech of cuddling contract...or something like that....which you think should be good for two years, right? Oh well, guess it's time for #3!

Everything looks better after a margarita.

2009-07-07T14:30:00.001-07:00

One Thursday afternoon my Husband and I painted a very blue wall.

Which might have looked OK, but not with three brown walls.

One Friday afternoon and two margaritas later we fixed the wall.

And the bedroom lived happily ever after.

The end.

The Muffin Top

2009-06-30T15:16:00.000-07:00

Pregnancy and childbirth with my first child left my body completely unscathed. This should have been a sign from the plastic surgery gods to stop while I was ahead. My second ruined me from head to toe! My complexion, breasts, abs( or lack there of), legs, and even feet!

In the last week of my pregnancy she dropped, and I could literally see the stretch marks appear in the course of a day! And that wasn't the worst part, lets just say I couldn't sit down. "OK little stinker, let's just see if you get that car on your sweet 16 now!"

She went a week over due, so we scheduled an induction for the following Monday morning at 8am....at 6am she decided to give herself up.

Long after her birth the hyper pigmentation, sagging sippy cups, hemorrhoids, stretch marks, varicose veins, and half size bigger feet remained.

But Something extraordinary was brought to my attention last week as I was getting dressed....I have a whole new body part!

Scuba girls?

2009-06-25T19:21:00.000-07:00

#267 from the list of strange toddler behaviors: the goggle obsession.

One down, a closet full to go

2009-06-22T17:54:00.000-07:00

You could say I have a problem getting rid of clothes I haven't worn in " at least a year", or five years. Some might refer to me as a pack rat (love you Hubby) which I don't agree with! You never know when you'll need a very matronly, and not so figure flattering black sweater. So I put my old INC sweater, circa 1999 in the wash in hopes that if I washed the "hasn't been worn in five years smell out" I would love it once again.

I decided to try it on and ask the opinion of my little fashionista.

Me: "Sweetie, is this cute?"

The child: "No!"

Me: Laughing to hard to respond.

The child: "No, no it's not right."

Me: About to pee myself

The child: "Here, let me get you a new shirt."

Out of the closet she comes with anything, and everything that she could find on the closet floor that was pink.

The child: " Here is a new, new, new orange shirt, and sparkly pink pants.

Me: " This is what you want Mommy to wear? Together?"

The child: "Yes, beautiful Princess Mommy."

And with that I put on the orange tank with my Victoria Secret sweats, and tossed the once beloved sweater into the donation bag.

A Recession proof Father's Day

2009-06-18T16:02:00.000-07:00

Dear Dada,

This Father's Day since we can't afford that Audi you have coveted from a far,

or the home theater system to complete your

mancave

or the two toned Rolex that you've wanted even before we met

I thought maybe you'd be interested in one of the affordable, but just as enticing gifts we've picked out.

Sex Panther, I mean Old spice

Your very own manscaper

* notice the adjustable arm for hard to reach areas
(I think I just threw up a little in my mouth)

And why wouldn't you want a product that holds 12 times it's weight in liquid? You'll be saying "wow" every time.

Love your girls.

From pet to person

2009-06-16T14:51:00.000-07:00

Somewhere between the ages one and three my toddler turned from pet to person. Albeit a very demanding pet, to a very disobedient little person. The metamorphosis is undeniable as I watch my sweet one year old and my sometimes not so sweet three year old.

My one year old, an agreeable little being that lives for my attention, lights up when I walk into the room, and would wag her tail if she had one.

My three year old eager to claim her independence doesn't want to be told what to do, even if she originally wanted to do it.

In the morning my one year old hands me all of her worldly possessions (which consists of her stuffed rabbit, blanket, and pacifier) as a thank you for freeing her.

My three year old demands I help her put on her favorite princess dress, or she will not come out of her room.

My one year old lets me change and dress her with little protest.

My three year old screams "no" as she runs away from her carefully chosen outfit demanding once again what else? Her princess dress.

My one year old eats everything before it even hits the tray on her highchair.

My three year old won't eat anything that doesn't have the words "chicken" and "nugget" in the title.

My one year old actually let's me know when it's nap time.

My three year old lays on the floor of her bedroom screaming, "let me out! I not want a nap!"

For the sake of sounding like I'm not enjoying this motherhood thing I'll stop now...and just say that as trying as it can be it really is magical seeing a pet turn into a person.

Were not in California anymore, Moo moo.

2009-06-14T15:13:00.000-07:00

As I sat on the floor of our walk in closet AKA the most interior part of the house trying to keep a toy constantly in my one year olds hand so she's not tempted to leave all 64 square feet we've been sequestered to. While trying to explain to my three year why we are hold up in a closet, but not add to her growing list of nightmare topics.

In between the cries of protest, and incessant chatter about Tinkerbell, I couldn't help but think about the movie panic room. I started to feel a bit silly,after all it has been something like eight years since a Tornado had actually touched down and done any damage. For those of you that don't live in tornado country ( which probably means you live in earthquake country, hurricane country, or severe winter weather country) funnel clouds have to touch down to do any damage. Where we live they rarely do, scratch that, never do. But the way the news people halt all television programming for the same play by play coverage which consists of showing a map of the affected county's, and warning to seek shelter immediately.

Shelter apparently does not include mobile homes. In fact if you do reside in a mobile home I think they instruct you to go outside and tie yourself to the closest pipe you see sticking out of the ground. If you don't have a very large house you are to get into the bathtub and put a mattress over your head...I've decided that sitting in the closet isn't so bad after all

Brilliant!

2009-06-12T14:49:00.000-07:00

I found it strange that with Father's Day just around the corner, when all Walmart, Target, and Sears ads have nothing but ideas for Dad...Nordstrom had nothing but ideas for Mother's Day gifts.

When I opened my "90 finds under 90 dollars"...Hmmm...nothing for Dad! Maybe Father's Day doesn't exist at Nordy's?

But the more I though about it I realized this was a brilliant ad campaign to lure Women in to buy for themselves, and end up buying for Dad too!

Bravo Norstrom Bravo.

Why can't they do this at Mother's day?Send out an ad filled with tools, grills, guns, flat screens, pretty much everything they don't sell. Before Dad realizes he was duped he's already bought a really thoughtful gift!

How to negotiate with a terrorist, I mean toddler

2009-06-11T14:27:00.000-07:00

When I started writing this I wanted it to be like a true terrorist negotiation checklist, so to the Internet I went. Typed in How to negotiate with a terrorist, but as I looked at my results I became too paranoid to click any choices for fear of the secret service breaking through my windows on little zip line thingys. So I changed the search to how to negotiate with terrorists or toddlers to throw the feds off my trail. I could feel the security threat level drop as I typed.

With no real luck I decided to Share my own strategies that are a result of my oldest just turning tyrannical three.

1. Bribery
There is nothing to feel ashamed about when using acts of bribery. It's really a win-win
Situation. The parent ends up looking like the good guy with lots of yummy lollipops,
while getting the child to leave the park without incidence.

2. Trickery
This is a variation of #1 when you need to get the child to leave the park without incidence,
but don't actually have said lollipop.

3. Fear and Scarcity
Also a variation of #1 when trying to get the child to leave the park without incidence for
for fear of lollipop supply disappearing.

4. Bargaining
Still a variation on #1, but a little different...no wait this is exactly #1.

5. Threatening
A variation of #1, but the words "time out" play a big role.

***note: Counting from 1 to 2 3/4 can be used in conjunction with any of these steps

Technically disabled

2009-06-09T18:45:00.000-07:00

I don't think the Design Girl knew what she had gotten herself into when she agreed to give my a blog a face lift until my deposit was paid, and it was too late!

She did a great job designing my blog, but communicating through email with a person that is little to no knowledge of computer terminology....let's face it none.

Me: I want a really sparkly, fun, cute, twinkly blog that is really cute, with some of those cute thingys at the top.

Design girl: So you want me to design a header?

Me: Yeah, and what are those different pages on blogs with bio, and contact, and other cute things?

Design girl: Those blogs are called websites.

Me: Could you make the letters prettier, and kind of fancy?

Design girl: So you want me to change the font?

But as you can see we made it past all the language barriers...behold my shiny, new, CUTE blog!

Thank you Design Girl!

Pool Shark

2009-06-07T19:01:00.001-07:00

I think our three year old might be in sales when she grows up, that or a con artist.

She has no problem walking up to total strangers and get them to do her bidding. The other day we were at the park, one minute she's standing near the swings, next minute she's swinging. She conned another Mom to put her in the swing, and push her!

At a birthday party about a month ago every time I'd see her she'd have a new piece of candy unwrapped( a feat she has not mastered), and of course it was a Father who was happy to oblige.

I think it's time for the "don't take candy from strangers" conversation!

Of course she has her little Sister completely snowed often convincing her give up the best toy for something almost as great, like a dried up piece corn from under the highchair. Poor Moo doesn't stand a chance.

So today at the pool she tried to strike up a conversation about her little mermaid beach ball with anyone who would listen. She especially likes to chat with the napping pool goers. They pretend not to hear her, but she doesn't let that stop her.

Her most impressive heist of the day by far was hijacking some poor Women's air mattress while she was still on it, and I think she might have found a third Grandmother! Little stinker!

The most appauling crime of all

2009-06-04T15:10:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, while watching our local news I was reminding once again of the hands down, most appalling crime worthy of the death sentence of which I am normally not an advocate of. A Mother who harms her own child! At a local children's hospital a Mother, and I use that term very loosely was caught on camera putting fecal matter onto her toddler's IV. This little girl was born premature, and has been sick the majority of her life(hmm I wonder why?) I actually read about her in a blog I follow, because the Mother had a blog about her sick little girl.

Now not many things strike cords with me like this subject, I am simply sickened! First of all I don't know why just anyone can breed, what other job as important as parenting( there isn't one that even comes close by the way) can you decide you want to do and do it? No school, no entrance exam, no degree, no Psychological evaluation! A Mother harming her own child seem so much worse than a stranger to me. This little being looks to it's Mother for love and protection, and this is how you treat this precious gift that has been given to you. It is just so sad.

She told the police that she kept her child sick for the attention, Munchhausen syndrome I guess. I just hope that with all the "attention" that is attainable with any number of social Internet media that this was an isolated incident.

Enough of this blog stuff...I need to go love my precious gifts!

ZZZ...

2009-06-02T14:59:00.000-07:00

The bachelorette that is. What a boring waste of television! I have been a devout follower from it's conception, but there is something extra boring about this season. I say extra because it's not the bachelor. Men just can't bring the irrational hair pulling goodness Women can.

What's the appeal of this show? Twenty five women in a panic to get married or get famous...I don't know which is more pathetic. And when a delusional goal to marry a Man that you've group dated for 3 weeks(or however long it actually amounts to) can only attract one type of Women...a N.I.N.I(narcasist, insane, needy, insecure)

A man can bring J.E.R.K( yeah no acronym here) just the straight up lying player that has winning in mind, and possibly other thoughts, and may or may not have a girlfriend at home. Now I can speak for my self when I say I've seen enough of these live, no need to watch them on T.V.

There is also D.O.R.K(again no explanation). Don't get me wrong geeky guys can be adorable but not when you pair it with the delusional goal to marry a Women you've group dated for 3 weeks. This also happens to be the guy that cries after being eliminated. Actually I think this show is called the tool academy.

Lets Talk a little bit about hot tubs. Hot tub full of Women...good, hot tub full of Men...bad. There is just something wrong about a whole bunch of Men packed into a hot tub together.

The bottom line is that women bring something Men do not...DRAMA, and let's face it that's entertainment!

All hail....

2009-05-31T19:57:00.000-07:00

As if her royal lineage was ever in question by the way she rules this household...now there's proof.

Pull ups anonymous

2009-05-28T18:21:00.000-07:00

That's right! The girl that was to be married in a diaper hasn't worn a pull up to bed in over a month! She did have one, uh hum...."incident", but we have since then restricted liquid intake before bedtime and outfitted the mattress with a fancy plastic cover. I had planned on letting her where a pull up, well forever but was pleasantly surprised she settled for 2mths! Proving once again, no big girl pants before their time.

I do know of a couple of toddlers that actually initiated the potty training , but mine was not one of those children...not even close! I don't know why I thought it would be hard to try and convince a toddler to poop in a cup.

Alas I feel this is the first concrete, tangible evidence that I'm succeeding at my job. Sure plenty goes on behind the scenes that the public doesn't see, cuddling, feeding, praising, teaching, disciplining. But this, this undeniable proof that after much adversity a milestone has been reached, a goal has been accomplished!

Now how about that raise?

Three things

2009-05-25T21:52:00.000-07:00

I saw three annoying thing at the pool today.

1. The Mom/Victoria Beckham impersonator complete with tummy tuck and boob job who couldn't stay seated to save her life! As though I needed to be reminded every two minutes as she walked past me of my not so toned tummy and breasts that aren't exactly standing to attention.

2. The boys that kept throwing a football two inches from my baby's head, and their Mother who said nothing! Which also happened to be the same boys who hogged our toys, and took a bite out of our noodle (A noodle is a long Styrofoam thingy that floats) ...really? So that's how all the noodles get that way! This one kid must go from pool to pool, preying on intact noodles!

3. The two mystery swimmers that claimed the two best seats at the pool by way of a perfectly folded towel on each seat had yet to show themselves. In our two hour visit to the pool no one used the seats, or had the guts to move the towels. Who are these people? Some masochistic pool goers that get there at 8am and set the towels down just in case they decide to actually go to the pool. This is genius! The first time i experienced it was on a cruise ship. As my husband and I headed off to the pool on our 1st day at sea only to find the same perfectly folded towels on several of the seats. No doubt placed there by a half asleep shipmate at the crack of dawn to secure a seat when they decide to roll out of bed at noon.

I just hope when the day comes that I have new boobs, and have developed some sort of sickness that allows me to believe my children can't do wrong, I just hope someone has the guts to take my perfectly folded towel and throw it in the water!

Red wine...

2009-05-20T19:11:00.000-07:00

Call me oblivious but I haven't realized until recently that my three year old know the words to most of the songs on the radio. I discovered this the other night at bath time when out of the blue she belts out, "red wine! I've had a much too much!"

Since then I've realized that even though I don't hear her, chances are if I look in the rear view mirror her lips will be moving. Case in point Pink's song rock star, of course her favorite part in the song is "I'm gonna get in trouble, I'm gonna start a fight, nah nah nah....great! That should go over real well at play dates!

So, now the question is do I have to go out and buy a Disney's greatest hits CD, and turn off my beloved radio for good? The very thought gives me heart palpitations! I'm supposed to listen to "a small world" during one of the only conflict free times in this SAHM's day, not to mention one of the only times I can legally restrain a toddler and corrupt it with "when you wish upon a star"?

I guess there are worse things.

Popsicle on safari

2009-05-18T15:26:00.000-07:00

No good deed goes unpunished! Today at the zoo I let the child have a Popsicle, and guess who got stuck holding the Popsicle?

Popsicle in the lion's den.

Visiting with Dumbo, and meerkat manor.

Checking out the fish, while you know who holds the you know what.

and sadly it's demise.

Ok so maybe this post should have been titled Mommy's lost it, wouldn't be entirely untrue.

Where's the mote?

2009-05-16T12:58:00.000-07:00

Have you ever seen a grown man lose the remote control for an entire day? I have...it's not pretty. A transformation occurs, and not like the good butterfly kind.

Last week the child lost the "mote" as she calls it, or at least she was the last one seen with it. So my husband bless his heart thought he would simply ask the child the location, and she would simply lead him right to it...wrong. Oh she was obliged to hunt for the mote, what a fun game! "Where's the mote? Where are you mote?"

That day my Husband went through the 7 stages of remote loss:
Hope-the search
Anger- when I find the remote I will be the only one to use it!
Hope-more searching
Denial-changing the channels manually, and acting like nothings wrong.
Revelations-buy a new remote
Hope-more searching
And finally hopelessness.
After hiding all the pills and ropes on the premises I decided to search the couch one last time...Yep there it was the whole time.

Mommy needs a day off!

2009-05-14T18:57:00.000-07:00

Today was the kind of day that shortly after waking up I found myself wondering how long until nap time.

Today was the kind of day that after everyone awoke from nap I found myself wondering how long until bedtime. Or happy hour...hmm could that start right after nap?

I started to challenge our nightly chores, like bath time. Do they really need a bath, after all we did go to the pool today, that should count for something.

Are corn dogs an acceptable meal two nights in a row?

Maybe bedtime could be moved up an hour tonight, I've been meaning to do that eventually.

Does Happy Baby 123 qualify as a bedtime story for a three year old?

And then the moment finally arrives, everyone is in bed, I have the biggest glass of chardonnay I could get my hands on, the most mindless reality TV I have DVR'd, and the inevitable happens.... MOMMY!!!!

Who invented the monitor anyway?

A cautionary tale for cat owners

2009-05-12T15:18:00.000-07:00

Today I found the child screaming and jumping for her balloon we had gotten at the grocery store earlier that day. The balloon was stuck to the ceiling and the lollipop was on the ground, both had only an inch of curling ribbon left.

Now to understand why this struck fear in my heart I have to take you back to a much simpler time...Imagine if you will August 2005, 6am, our tiny one bedroom apartment in San Francisco, I was awoken by a smell that can only be described as "cat poop". I opened my eyes and saw our cat Winston sleeping next to me in his usual place, but something was different about him this morning...hmm what was it? Oh yay he was covered in poop! I immediately jumped out of bed and saw it was on me, on my pillow, on the sheets...ahhh! To make matters worse I was 5mths pregnant. As I looked at him I could see there was something hanging from the backside of the cat...so that is where the curling ribbon from this weekends unwrapped birthday gift disappeared to. As I chased through our 900sq. ft apartment in an attempt to do as much damage control as I could, the ribbon dangled from side to side hitting every wall, door, and window in it's path.

The bandit was finally apprehended, and because I was not so much as to clean the litter box because of my delicate state, poor Hubby left to clean the entire mess.

The moral of the story: Cats and curling ribbon do not mix.

Strike!

2009-05-11T13:49:00.000-07:00

When would you ever normally give a three year old an object that weighs 14lbs and tell her to throw it...hard! At a three year old My little pony bowling birthday party of course!

Ava has been talking about going to the "Birthday party bowling party" all week, and it was finally here. The kids colored, played, and ate pizza.
But we're missing something...Bowling takes energy, so bring on the sugar!Giving cake to a bunch of 3yr olds at 11am might not be the best idea, but a Birthday necessity none the less. So bring on the cake, and soda! Can't forget the soda! And they're off...it's Ava on the far side, and Madison on the near, now it's Ava, now Madison...

Bowling was so fun that someone forgot to go to the potty. Out of the blue Ava started crying hysterically exclaiming she had to go pee pee, the crying was a dead giveaway that she waited too long. So we are running through the bowling alley mowing over slower moving patrons as we go. As I suspected...too late!

That was the beginning of the end, we left shortly there after, but will be back to bowl another day. Minus the cake and soda.

The Mother's Day Elf

2009-05-07T14:30:00.000-07:00

In an attempt to pump the toddler full of good Mother's day present ideas for Daddy I took her shopping to my favorite upscale, outdoor, you better just take your a** over to Macy's if you think your going to actually be able to afford to buy something here plaza. Like a real life Lucky magazine you want to break out the YES!, and MAYBE stickers and hope that the sales associates will mistaken them for money.

As we pulled up to the normally impossible parking situation, there it was, a parking space right in front of Tiffany's, like it had some sort of force field around it impenetrable to everyone except for the Mommy's worthy of treasure! As I started to pull in I was cut off by an even more deserving Mommy apparently. And by the car she was driving she might have been president of the PTA.

After finding our "new and improved" parking spot we started on our un-shopping spree. We visited countless stores and with each one improving on my child psychology.

" I like cookies, do you like this purse?"

"Look don't these shoes look like Cinderella's Slippers?"

"Mmmm smell...doesn't this necklace smell like gummy bears?"

To which she excitedly answered, "mmm I like some chocolate chip cookies!"

"But look at this cute iPhone!" To which she responds, " I like some fruit chewies!"aka gummy bears.

Feeling bad about trying to manipulate the child I took her to her favorite place to eat, chick fil a where they also conveniently had chocolate chip cookies. I'm thinking of stapling a wish list to her pajamas Saturday morning, and hope for the best.

A the Ladybug

2009-05-05T16:46:00.000-07:00

I hadn't seen her so excited since her own birthday party as she left Bailey's with own pet ladybugs in hand...or so she thought. The whole way home she talked to the ladybugs and introduced Moo to her new pets, "look Moo twenty ladybugs!" (In actuality five) " Look Moo, are the Cute?" Look at his little wings Moo!"

And the whole way home I wondered how I would break the news that we would have to set the ladybugs free. When we got home I realized how close we had come to an early release, she had broken the tape on one of the sides and was working on prying the top off. I instantly had a renewed love for chatty toddlers, If it hadn't been for her lengthy, and repetitive conversation with Moo she might have actually set her "twenty new pets" free.

Surprisingly she was very excited to let the ladybugs go once she discovered they would fly away, apparently a departure worthy of applause. The ladybugs flew away one by one except for the last, she must not have gotten the memo about wing plucking toddlers. Lucky for "A the ladybug" A the three year old did not want to touch her, just observe her until she finally flew away.

All fours no more

2009-05-04T15:19:00.000-07:00

Moo Moo, our little speed crawler has hung up her knee pads! Well kind of, crawling is still her preferred mode of transport but last night she took three steps, and this morning she was up to five! My first thought after what a proud Mommy I am is the poor cats! She's already been catching them pretty well, but now there is no stopping her. I wonder if they make rogaine for cats?

Date Night

2009-05-02T20:38:00.000-07:00

Grandma came for a visit from California and with her came date night!!!!

Date night only comes twice a year...so far. But you can rest assured it will be more often as soon as Moo moo is " baby sitter ready". This is just some random age that will alleviate some of the guilt and worry that accompanies date night, A's "magic" number was 2, but I have a feeling that Moo's will be a little lower!

Now, back to the good stuff the date! We decided to go to the Alamo Drafthouse again, this is the location of every date night since we've been in Austin. This incidentally the only place kids aren't allowed, and bars and casinos of course. Speaking of Casinos, we did have a fleeting thought of driving right past the Alamo, and not stopping until we got to Vegas. After much fantasizing we did stop at the alamo and watched a not so stellar movie, but when you have good food, great drinks, and your chivalrous husband back...does it matter?

Unfortunately with Grandma's visit comes an unconsummated date night...now that would be a interesting blog, "Busted by Grandma".

The one that got away

2009-04-30T19:54:00.000-07:00

Once upon a time there was a beautiful shirt at Anthropologie.com that I could not live without...but I did. Apparently for too long because as I waited strategically for it to go on sale, it sold alright...sold out! Fast forward nearly a year later...another exciting night in my SAHM life, watching rate my space on HGTV and enjoying child free environment. What do I see the lucky home owner of a fabulous new room make over wearing? My shirt! And it looks even better than I remember! So now I'm on a mission, operation find ridiculously expensive shirt at all cost!

So now might be a good time to admit I covet clothing, and other meaningless material objects that will be of no importance other than to fill a bottomless void of some sort or at least that what Oprah said.

Alas I have sad news to report, after weeks of searching on eBay there has been no sign of the shirt.

The day of the Tinkerbell bathing suit

2009-04-27T19:45:00.000-07:00

One not so sunny day in April morning Grandma made the mistake of letting her try on her new Tinkerbell bathing suit, and there it stayed for the rest of the day. I tried to convince her to take it off and put on some "real clothes" to which she replied "no Mommy! I no like it! Leave me alone!" Normally them's fighting words, but I remembered what I had heard from countless Moms and Supernanny on this issue. When a child is insistent on wearing something inappropriate out in public like their pajamas, or lets say a Tinkerbell bathing suit just give in and once they see the reactions of people they will be embarrassed and agree to get dressed in the future.

This theory probably works for the over three crowd, because she was feeling no shame running through Target, looking down every so often to admire her "beautiful new Tinkerbell bathing suit". She even stopped to try on a coordinating purse in the mirror.

The day however did not have a happy ending. Half way through our trip to Target the terrible 3's took hold. There was a scuffle over some sunglasses and that's all I recall as I strolled as fast as I could toward the exit only to leave poor Grandma with the check. Whether or not the Tinkerbell bathing suit is to blame shall remain a mystery.

One sticker please

2009-04-21T14:51:00.000-07:00

One sticker please....is what the sign read on the basket at the pediatricians office, but clearly the Mother of the little girl rummaging through it as we waited our turn did not read English. After five minutes of searching for the perfect sticker the little girl settled on TWENTY!!!!!! Now I read the sign myself, and it didn't say take one of each sticker it read take one sticker! She might as well have taken the basket too, after all it's a great place to keep all your stickers! AHHHHH! Don't get me wrong I would love for my child to have a stack of stickers, but then what would I be teaching her?

These are the same people that I wait in the bathroom for with my double stroller to use the handicap stall. Waiting, and waiting for the handicap person to emerge or any other reason that deem them incapable of using the five other empty normal sized stalls, only to see a perfectly capable and very selfish person emerge.

And yet the same people that think I've pushed the button for the handicap door for them, even when they see me coming through on the other side!

Just for this day I am renaming this blog Mommy tirade!

Restless SAHM seeks contentment

2009-04-20T14:14:00.000-07:00

Once in a awhile I come across a fellow stay at home mom who wants to stay at home with the children until they are grown. After they start preschool, after they start kindergarten, after they start walking, or taking the bus home from school, after they start driving, basically until they leave the nest. That's when I think to myself " Wow she has found true contentment with being a SAHM...I have not, but desperately want to.

It's been approximately 3 years, 3months since I went on maternity leave never to return, and I can honestly say it was one of the happiest days of my life probably because I HATED my job.
Although I loved my coworkers, and the hours were good it was both emotionally and physically draining. So you would think after 3 years, 3 months, and two children later I would be content with my full time position as Mommy. Instead I long for a hobby( preferably on that pays), and continually plan my future career "after all the children are in kindergarten".

We are planning to have a third child, and want Moo moo to be about three. So then conceivably (no pun intended) I will be a SAHM for another 7 years...hmmm...like it or not contentment here I come!!!

If you can't take the heat...

2009-04-18T21:02:00.000-07:00

Well we finally found the perfect excuse to visit Daddy at work when his parents (aka Grandma and Grandpa) came for a visit. It was fun meeting all his students, and as usual he was proud to show off his girls!

The food was fabulous! For appetizers we ordered oyster beignets and chicken brochettes. Followed by Spinach salad with blue cheese, pears, and candied walnuts. For entrees my Mother in law and I had hoisin short ribs, my Father in law had red snapper, and gnocchi was split three ways...by A, Moo moo and the floor.

I've come to realize that saving the best for last is all about dessert! We shared three desserts bananas flambe, cinnamon creme brulee, and homemade candy bar with ganache. Yuuummmmm!!!!!

The girls were pretty well behaved except for the thin layer of food on the floor, the crying, the occasional spontaneous outbursts..."no!", "I want it", "I want down", and of course the child wielding the fork like a samurai sword.

Moo moo went crazy when John started cooking the bananas foster! When does pyromania manifest?

Thank you Daddy for having us! We love you!

No sleep till....

2009-04-16T12:47:00.000-07:00

Sleep is a luxury that I took for granted until I had children, that is! First couple of weeks up every half hour, hour if I was lucky. First couple of months every three hours, and we got very lucky with both girls, by the third month only one three o'clock feeding. I don't usually tell friends with infants this for fear of being kicked! Eventually they started sleeping all the way through the night, and what happens? Yep we got a little spoiled, and started to take the element that is as crucial as oxygen for granted...until last night. For reasons unknown the child and Moo moo took turns waking up, the first wake up call was at 11:30, the next 1:30, followed by 3am, and finally 5:30...grrrr!

When this happen the first thing I try to do figure out what went wrong , mostly to insure it doesn't happen again. Lucky for me one of them can talk (or unlucky) so I had at least half of the equation. Each time the child awoke she had to go "pee pee", so for the first time since we started potty training she cares if she pees in her pull up. This is a good thing for the future of potty training, but not so much for sleep. Needless to say tonight will be the first night all liquids will stop being consumed promptly by 7pm! Now I'm going to go take a much needed nap!!!

Movin on up

2009-04-14T17:23:00.000-07:00

Our little baby isn't a baby anymore! As if turning one wasn't enough, she finally hit 20lbs and all you Moms know what that means...time for new car seats! It seems like just yesterday we were strapping her in for her ride home from the hospital...sniff, sniff. We bought Ava a new "big girl car seat" and Moo moo got a slightly used one. She loves it! I knew it was time because she would start to get very cranky if we drove more than a couple of miles. Now she watches every window fully entertained, It won't be long until she dictating what song we listen to like her big Sister.

Secret Code Name: Mission Bluebonnets

2009-04-13T13:00:00.000-07:00

There is a tradition every April in Texas which is taking pictures in the biggest field of bluebonnets that you can find. Even the most overprotective parent will risk life and limb to capture this coveted picture. An irresistibly beautiful patch along a busy road becomes fair game.

We opted to break onto our golf course because were not allowed on the golf course even though we live on it...hmmm. That make me wonder if the golf ball I found in our backyard is actually stolen property?

Crunch!

2009-04-11T12:05:00.001-07:00

The child has talking about dying Easter eggs all week. The poor girl has been carrying around the egg dye box explaining the process in great detail..."First mama will bring the beautiful colors, which color do you like best? Blue! I like the blue one! How about orange...yes! And then we'll put the Mickey tattoos on!"

Now the egg dying part went off without a hitch, the tattoos...not so much. What ever happened to the shrinky dink sleeve things that you put around the egg, drop them into boiling water and voila! So after all that hard work you'd think we would have put them in a baby sister proof place...oops!

Toddlertude

2009-04-09T14:52:00.000-07:00

Something happend almost on the exact day of the child's 3rd birthday...ATTITUDE! What seems like over night, my compliant two year old had turned into a tyrannical three year old.

Upon asking her to do something the response is almost always "huh?" Can you...huh? Will you...huh? Pick up...huh?

When the words "don't" start to come out of my mouth immediately the words "NO!" come out of hers. Don't touch the...NO! Don't put the...NO! Don't pull the cat's...NO! Naturally the next step would be for me to threaten a time out, the two year old would start crying while running to the designated time out area. The three year old has discovered how to manipulate the situation, and says I want a kissy and huggy! And what Mommy could resist, after all this is our paycheck.